Is three months too soon to ask what this is?
three_month_question · Posted 15 Aug 2026, 06:45
We've been seeing each other for just under three months. Twice a week usually, sometimes more. We've met a couple of each other's friends, we text every day and neither of us has mentioned dating anyone else. I asked if they wanted to come to a gig with me in November. They said they don't like making plans that far ahead with someone they're "just seeing". The phrase *just seeing* has been rattling around my head ever since. I don't need a proposal. I don't even need some massive relationship conversation right now. But I realised I've been behaving as though we're building towards something and maybe they think we're simply having a nice time until one of us doesn't want to anymore. Is three months enough time to ask somebody what they're actually looking for with you? I don't want to manufacture pressure where there doesn't need to be any, but I also don't want to spend the next six months being deliberately relaxed because I'm scared the truth will scare them off.
What should they do? · 89 votes
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Replies (31)
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It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
this made me cry because i am literally in this exact spot right now. i spent two years waiting for them to choose me, and it never happened. it hurts so much to realise you were just waiting for a train that was never going to stop at your station. please just leave now before you lose more years of your life like i did.
three months is plenty of time to ask. stop overthinking it and just have a proper chat next time you see them. if they get weird about it then you know where you stand and you can walk away with your head held high instead of guessing for another three months.
Wanting clarity does not make you unreasonable. It may be worth separating what you hope the relationship could become from what the other person is consistently showing they can offer.
you are settling for scraps and you deserve way more than that.
i am sat here in the exact same mess right now and i honestly have no idea what to do either.
reading this hit way too close to home. im literally in the same boat and it feels like my stomach is in knots every single day. i wish i had some advice for you but im just as stuck as you are.
honestly just bite the bullet. send them a text on friday asking for a proper chat when you next see them. if they dodge it or go quiet you have your answer anyway. good luck mate.
wait, what gig in november is actually sold out enough that you have to book tickets this far in advance? seems like a bit of an excuse tbh.
im sorry, that sounds proper rubbish. you honestly deserve so much better than being kept in limbo.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
Their behaviour may have been hurtful, but the most useful question is whether the relationship they are offering is one you genuinely want. You do not need to condemn them in order to decide it is not enough for you.
wait, have you actually been to their flat yet or is it always at yours? that usually tells you everything you need to know about where you stand.
im in this exact same spot. it is soul destroying tbh. honestly i dont even know how to bring it up without him just leaving. so relatable it hurts.
i mean maybe they just have really bad anxiety about the future? i get super spooked when people plan too far ahead too. try talking to them without attacking them. maybe they just need to feel safe first.
i am exactly where you are right now and i have no idea what to do either. it feels impossible to bring up without it being a big heavy thing.
Honestly dump them. If they are already pulling the 'just seeing' card after three months they are just keeping you as a placeholder until something better comes along. It is a total piss take.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you deserve way better than that mate.
you met each others friends? seriously? and they still said they are just seeing you? what did the friends actually say to you when you met them?