Where are you?
The seven stages of a situationship
Situationships aren't random. They move through the same stages, in almost the same order, a little like grief, and most people don't recognise the stage they're in until they see it written down.
The Spark
"This is easy"It's intense, effortless and undefined — and you don't mind, because nobody needs labels this early. You tell yourself, and everyone else, that you're keeping it casual. Somewhere in here, the terms of the whole thing get quietly set.
The Drift
"We're basically together"Sleepovers, inside jokes, a toothbrush. You slide past milestones without ever deciding on one. It looks like a relationship from the inside and has none of the promises. This is where most situationships are formed: not by choice, but by nobody stopping to choose.
The Question
"So… what are we?"You finally ask. You get 'I'm not ready', 'I'm just not looking for anything serious right now', or 'why do we need a label?' It's warm, it's sincere, and it isn't an answer. You accept it, because the alternative is losing them today.
The Bargain
"If I just ask for less"You shrink. You stop bringing up the future, you become easy-going, you don't mention how you felt at the party. You're auditioning for a role you've already been doing for free. The relationship feels calmer — because you've removed yourself from it.
The Loop
"Good week, bad week, repeat"Distance, then a wonderful weekend that resets everything. This isn't bad luck. Unpredictable warmth is far more addictive than steady warmth, which is exactly why this stage can last years. You check your phone constantly. You go back for the good week every time.
The Reckoning
"I know, and I still can't leave"You already know they're never going to give you more. That's the cruellest part, because knowing doesn't set you free. You keep going back: for the sex, for the company, for the hope. This is the stage almost nobody talks about, and it's where most people are when they find us.
Clarity
"Finally, an answer"Not a resolution. Not a promise you'll stay together. Just the truth, said out loud by both of you: what each of you actually wants, and whether those two things can live in the same relationship. However it lands, the grey zone ends here.
Recognise yourself?
The quiz takes two minutes and tells you honestly whether you're in one, and the Six Weeks to Clarity programme is built to get you to the last stage.