Did I ruin the weekend or did I just ask a normal question?
was_that_pressure · Posted 14 Aug 2026, 01:12
We went away together this weekend. First trip, nine months in. At dinner I mentioned somewhere I'd love to go next summer and said maybe we could do it together. They went quiet and eventually said, "Can we not do this? I thought we were having a nice weekend." That sentence has bothered me more than the actual answer. I apologised. Then I spent the rest of the night trying to get us back to normal. This morning I woke up thinking: why did *I* apologise? I didn't ask them to move in. I mentioned a holiday. This happens every time I say anything that assumes we might still know each other in six months. They call it pressure, I feel guilty, and then I work really hard to make everything light and fun again. I'm genuinely trying to work out whether I push too much because I'm anxious about us, or whether I've become so used to avoiding anything they don't want to discuss that a completely ordinary relationship question now feels unreasonable. Where is the line between asking for reassurance and just expecting normal future planning?
What should they do? · 133 votes
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Replies (44)
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tbh you were definitely pushing it. nine months is not a lifetime, and dropping heavy trip plans on someone while they are just trying to enjoy dinner is a bit much. maybe they just wanted a break, not a life sentence. you definitely overstepped.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. dont be so hard on yourself.
same. it is exhausting.
honestly mate, ive been there and it hurts like hell. please dont beat yourself up. its not a crime to want a future with someone you spend your time with. nine months is long enough to know how you feel.
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
ignore the others. nine months is ages and if they cant talk about next summer without acting like you asked them to marry you, then they are just being a knob. move on, life is too short to be with someone who treats commitment like a dirty word.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you deserve someone who is actually excited to make plans with you.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. it is really tough when you feel like you are walking on eggshells just to keep them happy.
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. dont listen to the people calling you needy for just wanting to be with someone.
look, i agree with the others saying you killed the mood. you are nine months in, not married. stop forcing a future on someone who is clearly not ready for it.
exactly. the original poster sounds exhausting. imagine trying to have a nice dinner and getting grilled about next year. let the man breathe, honestly.
Honestly, mate, you sound like a nightmare. Its a weekend trip, not a legal deposition. Nine months is nothing if they are clearly telling you they are not ready for those talks. You sound needy and way too intense.
stop overthinking it mate. delete their number for a few days to get your head straight. dont text them first. if they want to see you they will reach out. if not you have your answer.
did they actually agree to this trip or was it just you booking stuff and hoping for the best? feels like there is missing context here.
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
serious question, did u pay for the hotel for this weekend trip or did they chip in?
honestly mate, i feel for u. nine months isnt a small amount of time to be left feeling like a stranger. its like walking on eggshells all the time. dont beat urself up for wanting a bit of security, its pretty normal tbh.
nine months of walking on eggshells is way too long to be waiting for someone to act like they actually like you, honestly just cut your losses and run.
was there alcohol involved at dinner or did they just stone cold shut you down like that over a casual comment?
Their behaviour may have been hurtful, but the most useful question is whether the relationship they are offering is one you genuinely want. You do not need to condemn them in order to decide it is not enough for you.
Some of these replies are much harsher than the actual facts justify. Mentioning a possible holiday after nine months isn’t automatically needy, and not wanting to plan that far ahead isn’t automatically cowardly either. The useful information is that future talk seems to mean something very different to each of you. That’s worth discussing when you’re home, without deciding in advance who’s defective.
i feel this so much. been with mine for ten months and i do the exact same thing, apologising for existing basically. you are not alone in this weird limbo.
its honestly so hard when you get shut down like that, nine months is a decent chunk of time to feel like you cant even mention next year. dont beat yourself up for wanting to plan, you deserve someone who gets excited about stuff like that with you instead of acting like its a chore.
honestly mate dont be so hard on yourself. sometimes things just get a bit weird on trips dont they? maybe they were just tired or stressed. just talk it out when the vibes are back to normal.
i feel this so much. im at eight months and i do exactly the same thing. keep apologising just to keep the peace. its soul destroying.
to be fair, bringing up next summer in the middle of a romantic dinner is a bit much. they probably just wanted to enjoy the moment without planning a diary, youve definitely overstepped here mate.
tbh i think you are being a bit intense here. nine months is ages but some people just arent planners. you kind of spoiled the mood by bringing it up when you were supposed to be having a nice time, didnt you?
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. it is really painful when you start questioning your own reality like that.
Honestly same. I feel like i have to walk on eggshells every single day just to keep them from pulling away. It is exhausting.
this actually made me cry because i spent two years begging for simple future plans. i felt like i was losing my mind, just like you. i eventually left and realized i wasnt the crazy one, i just wanted a partner who was actually present. i wish i had left at nine months.
i am sat here crying reading this. it hits so hard. i used to apologise for just existing near them, basically. it takes so much out of you when you have to shrink yourself to stop them from running away. you deserve someone who gets excited about a holiday with you.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.