Why does he still want me around
stuckinlimbo_8 · Posted 31 Aug 2026, 07:02
I have been seeing him for about eight months now and I just do not understand it anymore. We spend every Friday night at his flat and he talks about all the things we should do in the summer. He tells me about his work stress and asks for my advice on his family drama. It all feels so normal when we are there. But then Sunday comes and he goes quiet for days. I tried to talk to him about where we are heading last week and he just went totally silent. He did not get angry or anything, he just changed the subject to a film he wanted to watch. I feel like I am doing all the emotional work to keep us steady while he just drifts in and out. I do not want to be the one to end it because I keep thinking he is just about to change his mind and be honest about how he feels. Anyway, sorry for the essay, I just feel like I am losing my mind a bit tonight. Does anyone else deal with someone who acts like they are your partner but refuses to actually say it.
What should they do? · 65 votes
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The bit I’d pay attention to is him changing the subject when you asked where this is going. He may genuinely like the Friday nights, the advice and the closeness exactly as they are. That still doesn’t tell you he’s about to want more. Could you ask him what he believes he is actually offering, rather than asking him to predict a future?
stop being available for him this Friday. go out with your friends or stay in by yourself. see if he actually reaches out to make plans or if he just goes silent again. his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
Eight months is long enough to ask what both people think they are building. He does not have to want a label, but avoiding the conversation leaves her carrying all of the uncertainty.
Agreed that a title cannot be forced. The answer may still be no, but saying that plainly would be kinder than keeping the Friday routine while refusing to discuss what it means.
I wouldn’t call the Sunday quietness proof that he doesn’t care. Some people genuinely reset after a weekend. But refusing the conversation is different. You don’t need him to use a particular label; you do need an answer you can make your own decision with.
Does he contribute to your shared time in practical ways, or are you usually the person arranging plans and providing support? I am asking because the imbalance may be broader than the lack of a label.
Him being quiet on Sundays could mean all sorts. Changing the subject when you asked directly is the part I wouldn’t explain away. It may not tell you he feels nothing, but it does tell you he isn’t currently willing to have the conversation you need.
to be fair to him, you are putting a lot of pressure on him after just eight months. men get scared when things get too heavy too fast. maybe he just wants to enjoy your time together without the stress of labels ruining it. its not necessarily malicious, he just prefers things easy.
your post made me cry because i lived this for two years. i wasted so much time waiting for a man who only wanted me on his terms. please leave now before you lose yourself completely like i did.
honestly mate, i feel this so much. he is just using you for a bit of comfort when it suits him. dont wait for him to change because he clearly likes things exactly how they are. its just not fair on you.
when you asked him about where you were heading and he changed the subject to the film, did you actually pause the movie and circle back to the topic, or did you just sit there and watch it with him? that makes a big difference.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you really deserve someone who wants to talk to you all week, not just when it suits them.
I spent years providing emotional support to somebody who would not acknowledge the relationship in the same way I did. Looking back, the pattern mattered more than the title. Please consider whether the arrangement available is enough for you.
She chose the Friday arrangement while believing it might develop, and he chose it because he preferred it separate. Blaming her for asking after eight months does not resolve the fact that they wanted different relationships.
Eight months of Friday nights and future talk is significant. His silence when you asked where this was going is also information, even if it was not the clear answer you deserved.
Skipping Friday purely to see whether he chases you would create another test instead of clarity. A direct conversation about what he can offer gives you better information than measuring how quickly he replaces one evening.
The Friday nights and future talk would make many people experience this as more than casual. His silence when you asked where it was going is part of the pattern, not a detail you have to explain away.
I know the waiting can take over the whole week. The question I would ask is whether the relationship available now works for you, rather than whether the next message might finally change it.
I recognise the exhaustion of feeling like a partner on one day and an inconvenience on the next. I would judge this by the eight-month pattern, not only by the warmth of Friday nights.
The Friday-night closeness and weekday silence are already a pattern. A direct answer may be uncomfortable, but continuing without one leaves you doing all the interpreting.
She has participated in the Friday-night routine, but that does not make the responsibility entirely hers. Both people need to answer whether the arrangement still works rather than relying on silence.
His behaviour may already be useful information, but attacking yourself will not create clarity. You can acknowledge that you stayed and still decide the arrangement no longer works for you.
Wanting a clear answer after eight months is reasonable. The harder decision is what to do if he continues offering Fridays and future ideas but will not discuss the relationship directly.
Changing the subject when she asked about direction was still an answer of sorts, but it does not make him a fixed type of person who can never change. She needs to judge the relationship he is offering now, not the version she hopes is about to arrive.
His silence during the conversation is information, but it is not an excuse to blame the poster for asking. She still has to decide whether the Friday arrangement works for her if a clearer answer never comes.
The weekly pattern sounds settled even though the relationship does not. He may genuinely like what they have, but she needs to decide whether Friday nights are enough if nothing changes.
The Friday routine sounds intimate, but the silence after you asked about direction matters more than whether the evenings look like dates. Changing the subject was still a response, even if it was not a clear one.
It matters whether you asked for a title or described the kind of relationship you wanted. Either way, changing the subject rather than answering left you with the same uncertainty.
Eight months of Friday intimacy and future talk is enough reason to ask directly what he wants. If he continues to avoid the discussion, she can decide whether the existing arrangement works without waiting for him to become clearer first.
He benefits from the Friday closeness while avoiding the conversation about direction, and that conduct deserves scrutiny. The poster still has agency to decide whether the relationship available now is enough instead of waiting for him to “step up.”
I recognise the loop of ordinary intimacy followed by days of silence. The question that helped me was not why the other person kept me around, but whether the arrangement they consistently offered was one I could keep accepting.