The person I was seeing disappeared when I got sick
sick_and_done · Posted 30 Aug 2026, 07:01
I am just sitting here staring at my phone and I need to vent. We have been seeing each other for about eight months now and I always thought we were in a good spot. Things were simple and honest. Anyway, I came down with a really bad flu this week, like the kind where you cant even get out of bed to make tea. I sent them a text on tuesday saying I was really unwell and probably out of action for a few days. They replied with a thumbs up emoji and that was it. Nothing else. Not a single check in. Then my boiler broke yesterday and I was sat here freezing and honestly just feeling a bit pathetic. I tried calling them but it just went straight to voicemail. They posted on their story later that night showing them out at a pub with their mates. I just feel like an absolute mug. Its not even about the label or whatever, its just common decency. If a friend was ill, you would at least ask if they need anything from the shop, right. I suppose it shows exactly where I stand. They are happy to have me around when things are fun, but the second it gets a bit real or requires effort, they just vanish. Sorry for the essay, I am just so annoyed with myself for expecting anything different.
What should they do? · 99 votes
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Replies (31)
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Honestly mate, stop texting them. Just go total ghost mode for at least a week. If they dont reach out to see if you are actually dead or alive by next weekend, you have your answer. Move on.
Wait, did you actually see them at the pub in the photo, or was it just a repost of what their mates were doing? Sometimes these people are worse than we think.
this proper made me cry because i have been there. i spent months waiting for my ex to care when i had surgery and he just ignored me to go out drinking. it really makes you feel like you are invisible. please listen to the others and just walk away.
Eight months may have been casual, but care during illness is still something people can discuss and choose. The thumbs-up reply showed that your expectations were not shared, which is useful information even without a label.
Unspoken expectations can create disappointment, so a direct conversation would help. At the same time, wanting a person you have seen for eight months to ask how you are is not an unreasonable feeling.
Deleting the number can create useful friction, but it does not make the decision for you. The harder part is accepting that eight months of closeness did not produce the kind of care you expected when things stopped being fun.
Read receipts would not change the main fact: after hearing that they were very unwell, this person did not check in. I would focus on that behaviour rather than collecting more digital evidence.
bin them off immediately, you deserve way better than this.
The thumbs up would have got me more than the pub photo, honestly. Eight months in, I don’t need someone to nurse me through flu, but I would expect “how are you feeling today?” from a person I’m regularly sleeping with and spending time with.
I agree it tells you something, but I’d still ask rather than decide the entire meaning from this week. Not “why didn’t you rescue me?” — just whether this is genuinely the level of care they think exists between you. Their answer might be as useful as the silence has been.
honestly mate im so sorry your going through this. i know how it feels when you realise youve been putting in all the effort while they just coast. honestly bin them off. you dont need that kind of energy when your already feeling like rubbish. just put your phone away and get some rest. you deserve someone who actually gives a toss.
A casual partner may not take on every practical responsibility, but needing help with the boiler exposed a real difference in expectations. The useful question is whether you want a relationship where support is available in situations like this.
Their limited response while you were ill showed a level of care that did not meet what you expected from the relationship. You may not be able to change their capacity, but you can decide whether it is enough for you.
They are responsible for the boiler, but the post is also about receiving no concern while ill. Practical independence and wanting ordinary care from somebody you have seen for eight months can coexist.
Separating the practical problem from the relationship might help tonight. Get the boiler dealt with by whoever is responsible, then decide what the missing check-in tells you once you are warm and feeling less ill.
It sounds as though you called when the boiler failed after already saying you were ill. Whether you asked directly for practical help may matter, but the lack of any check-in still tells you something about the care available.
to be fair, some people are just shit at handling illness. they might have assumed you wanted space and didnt want to bother you. you are jumping to conclusions before even asking them about it. maybe just talk to them instead of assuming they dont care.
stop acting like a victim. you have been seeing each other for months and you still dont know their personality? if you expected them to play nurse, thats on you. people dont owe you anything just because you are feeling a bit sorry for yourself.
honestly mate ignore the harsh ones. it is basic human decency to check on someone you have been seeing for months. that thumbs up was a proper slap in the face. you deserve so much better than someone who acts like a stranger when things get a bit tough.
I have experienced something similar while unwell. Realising that the care I assumed was part of the relationship was not actually available hurt more than the illness itself.
I also wondered whether the pub post led to another message. If it did, the important part may be whether that contact produced clarity or simply another round of waiting.
They may not have understood themselves as your partner, so expecting them to cancel every plan could be more than the arrangement allowed. The important question is whether their response showed that the level of care available was less than you need.
I am sorry. Feeling unwell can make somebody’s absence particularly painful, especially when you believed the relationship included practical care.
After eight months, wanting a basic check-in during illness is understandable even without a formal label. The mismatch is useful information about the level of care each person believed the arrangement included.
Their absence when life became inconvenient tells you something important about what this connection currently includes. It is reasonable to want basic care even without a formal label.
A thumbs-up followed by silence would hurt after eight months, especially while you were ill and dealing with the boiler. I hope you have somebody reliable who can help with the immediate practical problem.
I hope the heating is fixed and you are starting to feel more human. Deal with the immediate practical problem first; the relationship conversation can happen when you are no longer ill and freezing.
A thumbs-up was a painfully thin response after eight months, especially while they were ill and dealing with a broken boiler. The poster deserves a direct conversation about what care is actually available in this relationship.
After eight months, expecting one genuine check-in during a bad flu is not unreasonable. It may not prove they never cared, but it does expose a large gap between the care the poster expected and what the other person offered.
The missing check-in can hurt even more when you are already ill and dealing with a broken boiler. Whatever their reasons, the difference between the care you expected after eight months and the thumbs-up you received is important information.
The boiler needs a practical answer regardless of what happens with the relationship. Calling the landlord or a local heating engineer is probably the most useful next step while the poster is still ill.