I gave the ultimatum and now I am stuck
broken_promise_30 · Posted 22 Aug 2026, 01:19
I told the person I was seeing that we had to be official or I was leaving. We had been seeing each other for a few months and things felt proper. We hung out every weekend and talked all day. When I brought it up last night, they just looked at me and said they were not ready for that kind of commitment. I had promised myself I would walk away if they said that. I am actually doing it. I told them goodbye and I deleted the chat. It is 2am and I feel awful. My flat is so quiet and I just want to send a text to check if they are okay or if they have changed their mind. I know I cannot do that because then I am just the person who makes empty threats. It is only been ten weeks but it feels like a massive hole. I am sitting here staring at my phone and fighting the urge to message them to see if we can just go back to how it was. I have to stick to what I said though. It is just really hard right now.
What should they do? · 64 votes
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wait, did they actually look upset when you said goodbye or did they just shrug it off and let you walk out?
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
i am exactly there. staring at the blank screen wanting to type something. i cant offer advice cos i havent done it yet but i know the feeling. its pure agony.
One thing I’d push back on is calling it an empty threat. You told them what you would do if they didn’t want the same kind of relationship, and then you did it. Missing them afterwards doesn’t make the boundary fake. It just means the boundary cost you something.
Your post actually made me cry. I was in your shoes last year and i texted him back within a week. I felt so small after that. Please dont do it. You deserve someone who doesnt make you feel this way.
i am sat here in tears too. i did exactly what you did, gave the speech, walked out, and then i caved at 3am. honestly, dont do it. it feels like a hole now but at least you still have your pride, which is more than i can say for myself.
I understand that empty-flat feeling and the urge to fix it quickly. Try not to message tonight if you already know the contact will reopen the same uncertainty. Morning may not make it easy, but it may make the choice less immediate.
this is literally me right now. staring at his name in my recent chats and just waiting for a notification that isnt coming. it feels like i cant breathe.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. it gets better with time.
did they actually reply to you before you deleted the chat or did they just say nothing at all when you walked out?
The hurt is real because the connection mattered, even though it lasted ten weeks. Getting through tonight without reopening the conversation may help you decide tomorrow whether the ending still reflects what you need.
Delete their number properly from your contacts so you cant even see the chat preview. Book a class or go to a pub with a mate this Saturday. Just dont sit in your flat alone all weekend.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
you are spot on. it is absolute bullshit that we keep giving these people our energy when they cant even be bothered to commit.
You don’t have to decide at 2am whether ending it was the perfect decision forever. You only have to avoid undoing a boundary in the first horrible few hours because the flat feels empty. Sleep first. Tomorrow can be awful without needing to become a negotiation.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
I am sorry. That sounds painful. Be kind to yourself today; you made the decision you could make with the information you had.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
tbh i think you are being a bit unfair here. you sprung an ultimatum on them out of nowhere after only ten weeks. people need time to process these things and you just blew it all up because you werent getting your own way immediately.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
Ten weeks may feel short to some people, but asking for clarity is not the same as creating a crisis. It might still help to examine which signs you noticed, which assumptions you made and whether the other person had actually stated what they wanted.
I am going through something similar, and staring at the phone is the hardest part. Putting it in another room for an hour does not solve the relationship, but it sometimes gives the immediate urge time to settle.
Ten weeks is a relatively short relationship, but the feelings can still be intense. The firmer question is whether the deadline was a genuine boundary you intend to keep or an attempt to make them give a different answer.