I am still just sitting here waiting
just_waiting_here · Posted 26 Aug 2026, 07:04
I know how this sounds, I really do. I am embarrassed even writing it out. It has been eight months now, and we see each other most weekends. It feels like we are together in every way that counts, but I know we never actually put a label on it. The other day I sent a text asking if they wanted to come over for dinner on friday. It was a normal enough message. I even double checked it to make sure I did not sound too pushy. Anyway, it has been four days now. They have seen the message, or at least they have been active online, but they have not replied to me at all. I keep picking up my phone and checking it, even though I know it is probably empty. I feel like such a fool because I know I should just walk away. I keep telling myself they are just busy, but I know that is probably a lie. I am sorry for the essay, I just really needed to put this somewhere because my friends are probably sick of hearing about it. It just hurts more than I want to admit.
What should they do? · 62 votes
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Replies (20)
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this made me cry because i lived this exact thing for a year. you end up checking your phone every five seconds until your heart just feels heavy and cold. honestly, i wish someone had told me sooner that being ignored is a choice. it hurts so much, but please just put the phone down for your own sake.
I’d separate two things here. They may have a perfectly ordinary reason for being slow to reply, but you’re also allowed to notice that four days of uncertainty after eight months of seeing each other most weekends is making this arrangement feel awful for you. You don’t need to prove they’ve done something terrible before asking whether this still works for you.
i feel this in my bones. been staring at the same blue tick for three days now. its actually soul destroying, isnt it.
exactly the same here mate. its like you have a permanent knot in your stomach and you just cant get it to go away.
wait, have they actually posted stories or been active on socials during those four days, or are you just guessing?
stop checking the phone. delete the chat thread right now so you stop seeing the message status. just remove the visual reminder for the rest of the week and see if your head clears up a bit.
They had been consistent about the arrangement for eight months, so it is important to recognise that your needs changed rather than treat their behaviour as a new betrayal. You are still allowed to decide the old agreement no longer works for you.
Deleting or hiding the conversation may reduce the urge to keep checking, but it will not answer the relationship question. Decide what boundary you will set if they return after days of silence.
wait, did you mention you have been seeing them for eight months or did i misread that? are you guys sleeping together or is it literally just hanging out?
the dinner invite, was that the first time you tried to set a plan for the week, or is it usually them making the moves?
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
you are the problem. you sat around for eight months waiting for a label that was never coming. dont blame them for your own lack of standards. move on and stop boring everyone with your predictable misery.
Four days without replying to a dinner invitation is information, even if you don’t yet know the explanation. I wouldn’t send another carefully worded message to make this one easier to answer. Let them answer the one you already sent, or not.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. honestly, you deserve way better than someone who acts like a total ghost.
Blocking and deleting the chat may reduce the immediate triggers if you have decided to end contact. It will not resolve the grief by itself, but it can interrupt the repeated checking that keeps reopening the decision.
You deserve a response to a normal dinner invitation after eight months. Their silence does not require you to keep your Friday available indefinitely.
Watching them appear online while leaving the dinner invitation unanswered would keep the uncertainty active. Four days of silence after eight months is information, even without knowing why they have not replied.