She introduced me as her friend after two years
friend_from_the_gym · Posted 11 Aug 2026, 22:05
I'm 42. She's 44. We've been together — or whatever the correct word is — for two years. I went to her sister's wedding with her. I knew I wasn't going as her official partner, because we've had that argument enough times. But when someone at the table asked how we knew each other, she said, "Oh, we're friends from the gym." I laughed because everyone else laughed. Then I went to the bathroom and cried like a teenager. I spend nearly every weekend at her flat. We speak every day. I've looked after her dog when she's away. I've met these people before. They just apparently don't know what I am. She says labels don't change how she feels about me and that I'm obsessed with how things look to other people. Maybe she's right. But I don't think I need a label for Instagram. I think I want the person I love to be able to say, in a room full of people she loves, that I matter differently from a friend from the gym. Am I making a word too important? Or is refusing the word after two years actually telling me something about the relationship?
What should they do? · 161 votes
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This proper broke me. I was with a woman like this for three years, did the exact same, she even had me thinking I was the crazy one for wanting more. You arent crazy. It hurts so much to love someone who just treats you like furniture.
Same. Going on 2 years here too, just waiting for a text that never really says anything meaningful. It destroys your head.
I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain.
I'm sorry, that sounds rubbish. You really deserve someone who wants to show you off.
Wait, she introduced you as a gym mate at her sisters wedding? That is actually mental. Did she think no one would notice you were at a wedding together or what?
to be fair you chose to stick around for two years knowing the deal. she was clear about the label thing so why are you surprised now. you cant moan about the rules when you keep agreeing to play the game.
Same. 2 years in, still waiting for the weekend text and still feeling like a secret. It is absolutely soul destroying.
Tbh mate I think you are being a bit unfair to her. If she told you at the start she did not want a label then you can't really get mad now because she stuck to her word. Maybe stop pushing for more if she clearly told you where she stands.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you really deserve someone who actually wants to show you off.
did she actually introduce you as a gym mate to her own sister? that is just cold.
stop acting like she trapped you. you stayed for two years knowing the deal so stop crying about it now. you chose to be an accessory, not a partner.
same. i have been there for three years and it never gets any easier.
Look, stop asking her for a label and start acting like you have one foot out the door. Book a weekend trip away somewhere nice for yourself or a mate this week and do not check in with her. See how she reacts when you are suddenly not available for the weekend.
same.
honestly mate you are being unfair here. she told you the rules years ago. she is not lying about who she is, you just hoped she would change for you.
same.
Their behaviour may have been hurtful, but the most useful question is whether the relationship they are offering is one you genuinely want. You do not need to condemn them in order to decide it is not enough for you.
wait, did she introduce you as a gym friend while her sister was stood right there? that is absolutely mental. how did the sister react to that?
reading this made me cry. i spent three years as a secret and it nearly destroyed my confidence. she is keeping you in the shadows so she can keep her options open. leave before you wake up in another two years feeling just as invisible.
oh mate im so sorry. that is genuinely awful. dont listen to the harsh comments here. some people just take ages to figure out what they want and it isnt your fault. please dont let her make you feel like you arent worth shouting from the rooftops about.
Honestly mate, stop waiting for her to change. Book a solo trip or go away with a friend this weekend. Do not text her or check in while you are gone. See how she reacts when you are actually unavailable instead of just waiting around for her to notice you.
same.
same. i feel exactly the same way.
wait, did she seriously say gym friend while you were literally sat at the wedding table with her whole family? how did her sister not look confused?
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.