I ended it and messaged them back
stuck_in_the_cycle · Posted 27 Aug 2026, 07:04
I ended it last week and told them I just could not handle the grey area anymore. It was really hard but I genuinely thought I was finally out of this loop. We had been doing this for two years (sorry this is long, just trying to explain) and it felt like I was constantly giving everything I had to make them feel comfortable and safe. Anyway, it lasted exactly four days before I messaged them again because I missed them too much. Now we are back to exactly how things were before I pulled the plug. I feel like such a fool because I know nothing has changed and they still have no intention of actually committing to anything real. It is just constant texts about their day and me being there to listen when they are stressed. I just do not know how to stop myself from reaching out. I keep telling myself I deserve more but then I see a notification and I am back to square one. It is honestly exhausting. I just wanted to get this out because my friends are probably bored of hearing about it at this point. Sorry for the essay, just really needed to put it somewhere.
What should they do? · 75 votes
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Replies (28)
Be honest. Be kind. No real names.
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The bit I’d push back on is “they have no intention of committing to anything real.” What you have is real; it just isn’t the relationship you want. I found that distinction painful but useful because it stopped me waiting for the other person to admit the whole thing had been fake before I was allowed to leave.
actually i think youre being a bit unfair to the other person. you chose to message them back after four days so you are the one keeping the loop going. they probably think you are fine with how things are because you keep reaching out first.
mate i am literally reading this while waiting for a text back. it never ends does it. im right there with you, honestly its exhausting.
Four days was a first attempt, not proof that you cannot leave. The quick reply returned you to a familiar pattern, so it may help to plan what you will do during the exact moments when you usually reach for your phone.
Four days isn’t very long when you’ve spent two years reaching for the same person. I wouldn’t make the message proof that you’re incapable of ending it. But I would take seriously what you’ve noticed: contact gave you relief and put you straight back into the arrangement you ended because it wasn’t enough.
im sorry, that sounds rubbish. give yourself a bit of grace, two years is a long time to untangle.
Honestly grow up. You are addicted to the drama and the attention, not the person. Stop whining about it being exhausting when you are the one putting all the effort into being their emotional bin. Its pathetic honestly, just switch your phone off and get a hobby.
I have been through the same cycle. You can make a clear decision and still experience a powerful urge to reverse it when the absence becomes real. That does not mean the original reasons disappeared.
Do you know what made you reach out on day four? That might be more useful to understand than criticising yourself for sending one message.
Delete their number right now so you cant just reply by reflex. If they dont have your number saved either, it makes the barrier to reaching out way higher.
Im sorry, that sounds rubbish. Honestly, give yourself a break for being human.
It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep.
you need to pull your head out the sand. you are literally feeding this cycle yourself and then having the audacity to act surprised when they dont change. its embarrassing mate, take some responsibility and stop acting like a victim when you are the one pressing send every single time.
block them and move on, you are wasting your best years on someone who doesnt care.
stop blaming the notifications mate. you are the one holding the phone and you are the one pressing send. you are clearly just bored and lonely, and using them is cheaper than therapy.
Wanting clarity does not make you unreasonable. It may be worth separating what you hope the relationship could become from what the other person is consistently showing they can offer.
i get it tbh. i was stuck for ages too and it just feels like your heart is making decisions your head cant stop. please dont beat yourself up too much, its really hard to just switch those feelings off overnight. your not a fool, just human.
Delete their contact info properly so the name stops popping up. Seriously, just get a friend to change the number in your phone to something else so you cant just tap the chat and start typing again. Give your phone to a mate for the weekend if you have to.
honestly get a grip. you are choosing this misery every single day. its not some mysterious force pulling you to text them, its your own lack of self respect. you are an adult, act like one and stop making excuses for why you cant put the phone down.
try deleting their number and deactivating your socials for just three days. if you cant see their status or their name in your recent messages, you might actually get a bit of perspective. just try it once this week.
I know the pull to return can feel enormous when contact brings immediate relief. You are allowed to take another attempt seriously without shaming yourself for the first one ending after four days.
Returning after four days does not mean you are choosing pain. It shows how powerful the familiar contact feels, and it may help to plan for the lonely moments before trying another break.
Two years of contact can make returning feel automatic, especially when a reply brings immediate relief. The relapse does not erase the decision you made; it shows where your next attempt needs more support.
The pull back towards a familiar person can feel extremely strong, but that does not make the relationship a chemical addiction. You can understand the urge without turning it into a diagnosis or attacking yourself.
Being available for their stress while your own needs remain unanswered sounds exhausting. A lasting break may help, but it will be easier if you plan for the exact moments when contact normally restarts.
Putting the phone away can interrupt the next message, but the difficult part is planning for what arrives afterwards. The loneliness and familiar relief of contact both need somewhere else to go.