Am I allowed to be angry when I agreed to casual?
casual_until_it_wasnt · Posted 13 Aug 2026, 02:13
Four months ago they told me they weren't looking for anything serious. I said that was fine. At the time I genuinely thought it was. I'd just come out of a long relationship and casual sounded perfect. It stopped being casual for me somewhere along the way. I didn't tell them. I just started hoping they'd noticed it changing too. Yesterday I found out they're dating someone else. Not cheating — we never agreed to exclusivity. They've actually been completely consistent about what they said they could offer. I'm still devastated. I keep flipping between being furious with them and thinking I have absolutely no right to be. They didn't trick me. But they also happily let this become sleepovers, daily messages, cooking together, holding hands in public, meeting friends... All while apparently still thinking of us as casual. Can you be hurt by someone who technically never broke an agreement? And at what point was it my responsibility to admit that the agreement didn't work for me anymore?
What should they do? · 123 votes
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Replies (36)
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Did they see you looking at the laptop when they came back in the flat? That must have been so awkward.
this hit me so hard. i thought i was the only one. i spent an entire winter waiting for him to want me and i look back now and feel so ashamed. you arent alone in this, it hurts like hell.
reading this made my chest hurt. im currently sat waiting for a text that i know wont come, just pretending it is still fine. honestly its just awful.
Literally me right now. Waiting for them to finally text me back after three days of silence while they post on stories. It is soul destroying tbh.
You are actually being really unfair to them. You knew the deal from day one. You chose to stay and wait around so you cannot get mad when they do exactly what they said they would do.
Look, you need to cut the cord properly. Block them for at least a week to clear your head. If you keep checking their socials or waiting for pings, you will never get over this. Delete the number and focus on yourself for a bit. You have to break the habit of them being in your life every single day.
tbh you are being a bit harsh. you werent exclusive, right? they told you they werent ready for anything serious from the start. you cant really blame them for seeing other people when you signed up for the casual thing. its not their fault you caught feelings despite the warnings.
dont bother arguing. just pack your stuff or leave your key and block them everywhere. give yourself a clean break this week instead of trying to get closure from someone who clearly doesnt care about your feelings. honestly just walk away.
did they actually walk in while you were standing there staring at the screen? i need to know how that interaction went down because i would have physically died of embarrassment.
you are ignoring the part where they literally told you they did not want anything serious. you chose to ignore the warning signs and now you are playing the victim because you stayed in a situation you knew was casual. stop acting shocked when people show you exactly who they are.
i am sat here actually sobbing reading this because it is exactly what i went through last year. i spent months cooking for him and waiting for a text that never came, only to find out he was seeing someone else from work. please dont be so hard on yourself, we were just being human.
honestly mate i have been there and its just awful. dont be too hard on yourself for feeling this way, you were just being decent and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. try to get out of their flat and get some fresh air. seriously, dont let them make you feel small for having a heart.
leave now, you deserve so much more than being a placeholder.
get out, honestly sounds like a total waste of your time.
Delete their number right now and clear out any of their stuff you still have at your place. You need a clean break to stop the cycle of checking your phone. Just get rid of the physical reminders this weekend and go for a long walk without your phone.
did they actually meet your friends or did they just bump into them once at the pub? that makes a massive difference tbh.
Honestly it is such a classic move. They get all the benefits of a relationship while claiming they are not serious. It is bullshit and they knew exactly what they were doing, playing house with you while keeping their options open. Don't let them gaslight you into thinking you are crazy.
Stop blaming them for your own inability to listen. You signed up for a casual thing and stayed when you wanted more. That is on you, not them. You are just salty because you caught feelings and they did not play along with your secret fantasy.
you deserve more than someone who wants the perks of a girlfriend but none of the commitment.
i honestly think u cant really help how u feel though, like emotions dont just stay in boxes. its rly common to want more when youre doing all those coupley things together. dont be so hard on yerself for being human, even if u should have said something sooner.
reading this whilst currently staring at my phone waiting for a reply to a text i sent 6 hours ago. same.
been there mate. honestly they knew what they were doing letting you play house. it is bloody manipulative to act like a couple but call it casual. total arsehole move.
i am currently in the exact same boat and this just made my stomach drop. hurts so much.
same. honestly feels like i wrote this myself while waiting for a reply that aint coming.
god i feel this. sitting here doing the exact same thing right now. its misery.
same. honestly just reading this has me shaking.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.
The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today.