--- title: "We never agreed to be exclusive, so do I even get to be hurt? | A Situationship Story | TheGreyZones" url: https://thegreyzones.com/stories/we-never-agreed-to-be-exclusive-so-do-i-even-get-to-be-hurt description: "A real, anonymous situationship story: Nine months. We never actually said exclusive. I know that matters.\n\nLast night I saw a message come up on their phone f" lang: en --- # We never agreed to be exclusive, so do I even get to be hurt? technically_not_cheating (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/technically_not_cheating) · Posted 17 Aug 2026, 03:55 I want more 6–12 months 20+ Nine months. We never actually said exclusive. I know that matters. Last night I saw a message come up on their phone from someone asking when they were seeing each other again. They turned the phone over pretty quickly. I asked about it and they said, "We never said we weren't seeing other people." And they're right. Technically. Except I have keys to their flat. I stay there three nights most weeks. I picked them up from hospital earlier this year. They call me when something goes wrong. We have sex without condoms because I thought — apparently without ever saying it — that neither of us was sleeping with anyone else. Every time I've tried to talk about us they've said they don't want to ruin what we have by putting pressure on it. I accepted that because what we had felt like a relationship in every way that mattered to me. Now I feel ridiculous. Part of me thinks they've done nothing wrong because I agreed to something undefined. Another part of me thinks they've been using the undefined bit as a loophole. Can you actually betray someone in a situationship when you never made the rules? What should they do? · 76 votes Log in (https://thegreyzones.com/login) or create a free account (https://thegreyzones.com/register) to vote and reply. ## Replies (32) Be honest. Be kind. No real names. Log in (https://thegreyzones.com/login) to reply. clueless_in_london (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/clueless_in_london)18 Aug 2026, 02:55 same. honest_truth_seeker (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/honest_truth_seeker)18 Aug 2026, 04:50 im sorry, that sounds rubbish. it is really tough when the reality of the situation hits you like that. london_lad_99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/london_lad_99)22 Aug 2026, 19:59 First thing to do, hand those keys back this week. Do it in person if you can handle it, or just drop them through the letterbox. You need to physically remove yourself from their space so your head can actually clear up. bitterpill88 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/bitterpill88)30 Aug 2026, 18:49 I can understand why the other person may feel hurt by the uncertainty. That does not make either of you a bad person, but continuing without a clear and honest conversation is likely to cause more pain. tears_and_tea (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/tears_and_tea)18 Aug 2026, 23:46 this actually made me cry because i was exactly where you are last year. i gave them two years of my life and a spare key before finding out i was just a placeholder. it hurts so much more than a real breakup because you feel like you are not allowed to grieve the loss. please just get out of there now. burnt_toast_99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/burnt_toast_99)19 Aug 2026, 18:57 Their behaviour may have been hurtful, but the most useful question is whether the relationship they are offering is one you genuinely want. You do not need to condemn them in order to decide it is not enough for you. soft_clouds (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/soft_clouds)19 Aug 2026, 10:05 i think your feelings are real no matter what the rules say. its really hard when your hearts are not in the same place. take care of yourself, yeah? stuck_in_the_middle (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/stuck_in_the_middle)19 Aug 2026, 01:09 same. nine months and i am right there with you. bitter_ex_soul (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/bitter_ex_soul)19 Aug 2026, 10:49 lost_in_the_fog (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/lost_in_the_fog)19 Aug 2026, 12:24 same. nine months and i feel exactly like this. faded_memories (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/faded_memories)19 Aug 2026, 18:36 This made me cry because I was in the exact same spot. I kept my toothbrush at his place for a year, thinking we were basically a couple, only to find out I was just a placeholder. It feels like you are grieving a ghost, which is honestly the worst kind of heartbreak. nosy_neighbor_01 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/nosy_neighbor_01)22 Aug 2026, 20:58 Wait, they let you pick them up from hospital but wont commit? Did they pay for your parking at least, or were you just their free taxi service too? kindness_only_here (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/kindness_only_here)3 Sep 2026, 16:55 im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you really deserve to find someone who isnt scared to call you their partner. tea_and_biscuit (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/tea_and_biscuit)23 Aug 2026, 02:20 Im sorry, that sounds proper rubbish. You deserved way better than that. realitycheck99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/realitycheck99)3 Sep 2026, 18:18 It sounds as though this situation has worn you down. That does not make you foolish or weak, but it may help to focus on the choices available to you now and the boundary you can realistically keep. tea_spiller (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/tea_spiller)5 Sep 2026, 19:56 Wait, you were doing no condoms but never actually had the talk about testing or exclusivity? Were you at least using protection before, or did you just assume it was safe because you spend nights there? dodged_a_bullet_99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/dodged_a_bullet_99)24 Aug 2026, 05:10 You deserve so much more than being a convenient secret, get out of there. clean_break_club (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/clean_break_club)24 Aug 2026, 11:32 Delete their number and block them on everything today. Seriously, do not give them the chance to sweet talk you into staying just because they are lonely. Rip the plaster off and reclaim your space. lurker_92 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/lurker_92)7 Sep 2026, 11:15 wait, when you were at the hospital for them, did their family think you were the partner? sounds like they were happy to play the role until it got inconvenient. tea_spiller_x (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/tea_spiller_x)7 Sep 2026, 17:25 Did they contribute to the cab or acknowledge what you did for them at the hospital? I am asking because practical care can start to feel very one-sided when the relationship itself remains undefined. honest_truth_teller (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/honest_truth_teller)24 Aug 2026, 12:40 Look, mate, you are being a bit unfair here. You admit yourself you never had the conversation. You let this drag on for nine months, so you cant turn around and blame them for sticking to the terms you both accepted. Its harsh, but you played yourself by assuming. realist_gal (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/realist_gal)30 Aug 2026, 18:17 take a break from seeing them entirely for a week. no texts, no meetups, no overthinking the messages. you need to see what your life feels like when you arent constantly waiting for them to change. londonfog99 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/londonfog99)31 Aug 2026, 02:19 im sorry, that sounds rubbish. you really did deserve so much better than this treatment. truthbomb88 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/truthbomb88)7 Sep 2026, 05:50 I think both of you relied on assumptions instead of having the conversation. That does not make the hurt imaginary, but it may help to separate what they explicitly promised from what you hoped the shared routines meant. Asking directly earlier could have protected you both from some of this confusion. truthbomb_88 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/truthbomb_88)2 Sep 2026, 18:17 The difficult part is that you cannot control whether they change, only whether you stay in the same arrangement. That does not mean you deserved the way you were treated or that struggling to leave makes you weak. Try to focus on one boundary you can actually keep today. soft_lad (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/soft_lad)2 Sep 2026, 18:32 Im sorry, that sounds rubbish. Hope you find a way to move on soon. sleepy_tea_drinker (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/sleepy_tea_drinker)3 Sep 2026, 22:53 ugh i hear you so much. its really hard when the actions dont match the words and you just want to believe they feel the same way. please be gentle with yourself, you arent silly for wanting connection, you just wanted something real from someone who clearly isnt capable of giving it yet. take a breath. messy_heart88 (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/messy_heart88)5 Sep 2026, 07:07 i get it, i really do. its so confusing when u feel like u r basically living together but they keep u at arms length with that technicality rubbish. honestly just take a step back, u deserve someone who doesnt need to hide their phone screens tbh. london_lately (https://thegreyzones.com/stories/users/london_lately)5 Sep 2026, 13:48 Honestly mate, just pack up your stuff from their flat this weekend. Leaving your keys there is just keeping you tethered to the drama. Get your things back and go zero contact for a bit to clear your head.